Templum Bellonae

John and Rodney go on a vacation which doesn’t turn out quite as planned.

“Oh, shut up,” Rodney said, panting, when he climbed out after five laps and dropped back into his chair. “We don’t have much of a swimming season in Edmonton. I bet I could kick your ass ice skating.”

“Sure, and if that were a real sport instead of something teenage girls do, maybe I’d care,” John said, tipping the bag back for the last crumbs.

“A man who uses as much hair gel as you do should not be casting aspersions on teenage girls,” Rodney said. “You want to take a walk along the beach?”

“As long as you don’t ask me to hold hands,” John said.

Ordinary Life by Shalott and Speranza

James Bond

Oh man. I’ve only ever seen one Bond film, and as all I can remember about it is that Pierce Brosnan was 007 and there was an oil pipeline that had to be blown up, or saved from being blown up, or something, you can probably guess that I’m not much of a fan.

I am a fan of Judi Dench, though. So go read this.

Queen of Spades by Shalott

AU where Rodney orders a mail-order bride to have someone to do his cooking and cleaning. Really you should just read everything Shalott writes. But especially this because it’s fun.

No Refunds or Exchanges by Shalott

When Elizabeth is injured, Rodney is left in charge. I honestly don’t know what else to say about this story, except that it’s long and good and everyone should read it.

Transcendental by Shalott

Okay, I wanted to be all “I need another fandom like I need a hole in my head,” because it’s true, but then I read this fic, and why haven’t I been reading SGA fic all along?

Mpreg without the mpreg: my favourite kind.

“Do you know, that was almost my longest relationship ever?”

“What, four months?” Rodney said. “I managed six once.”

“I’ve made it to seven,” John said. “But that’s because I got sent to Iraq for a tour of duty for six months in the middle.”

“Well, my six months were with a KGB agent who was under orders to seduce advanced alien technology out of me,” Rodney admitted.

John eyed him. “I’m not sure I want to know the answer to this question, but did it work?”

“Of course not, am I stupid?” Rodney said. “As soon as I’d given her what she wanted, she would’ve dumped me, and she was the only thing keeping me from freezing to death. The heat in my room didn’t work.”

John raised an eyebrow and waited.

“Okay, yes, I could’ve fixed the heat. But come on! She was a KGB agent!” Rodney said defensively. “You wouldn’t believe the things she could do with her tongue.”

A Beautiful Lifetime Event by Shalott

Oh. my. God. How much fun did I have reading this story? Kon is injured, bringing Clark and Lex closer together…and this story is so much better than that makes it sound.

“I don’t care! What I care about is you’re the biggest jerk in the history of the universe,” Tim said.

“Yeah, okay, but dude!” Kon said. “They were best friends! That’s freaking insane! That’s like, if you went evil someday!”

“If anyone is going to go evil, it is totally you, you asshole!” Tim yelled.

Crossover between the DC and Smallville universes.

I’ve borrowed a bunch of DC comics characters for this story; the one that I feel needs some real explanation is Kon, aka Superboy, who is the test-tube baby of Superman and Lex Luthor. (No, I am seriously not making this up. I would have, but the writers at DC generously smoke crack so we fans don’t have to.) Tim Drake is the current Robin.

There’s also a short sequel, Vacation. Tim gets jealous, and Kon gets a clue.

Reconcilable Differences by Shalott

Jeeves isn’t his usual self, so it’s up to Bertie to help him out.

Jeeves and the Blessed Indiscretion by Shalott

Holmes and Watson make a bet, but neither of them is really honest about it.

The Maiden Voyage of the Tiresias by Shalott

Johns Hopkins makes Dr. Wilson an offer.

Maryland by Shalott

Established relationship and a medical emergency.

Pathogenesis and Intervention by Shalott

I try to limit myself to rec’ing only the best story from one author in a fandom, but I can’t believe I haven’t rec’d this before. It’s true that I love Shalott’s One of a Thousand Roads and Waking from a Dream more than this story, but that’s no reason not to rec it.

Anyway, Campaign is great because no one writes Maximus/Commodus like Shalott.

Campaign by Shalott

And its sequel, Waking From A Dream

I reread these this morning, and they’re just as good as I remembered. Maximus and Commodus meet for the first time.

One of a Thousand Roads by Shalott

2. Listening
3. All the Wonder
4. Consolation
5. The World Turned Upside Down

Every fandom has Five Things stories, and these ones are amazing. I’m not so keen on the second and fourth stories, which are short, but I love the other three, which are all nice and long.

What if Napoleon invaded Britain? Or Aubrey and Maturin met in space? Or Jack turned into a woman?

Five Things That Never Happened to Aubrey and Maturin: Invasion by Shalott