Templum Bellonae

Jim sleeps with Blair’s girlfriend.

“Oh so he was better than me, great. That’s. you could just lie or something.”

“No, no he wasn’t better.”

“I was?”

“No you weren’t,” she said, exasperated. “it’s like chocolate and vanilla: different. Both good. Yum. Both of you, I promise.”

“okay,” Blair said, slightly placated.

“Good.”

“Wait a minute. I’m chocolate, right.”

“Um.” Her forehead creased.

“Sophie.” She smiled weakly at him and he said, “I’m vanilla. I’m vanilla? What the fuck, look, I demand a rematch.”

“This isn’t a rugby match, Blair.”

“I am not vanilla.”

Restitution by Helen

Atlantis

This is actually an AU of an AU. The original stories by Xanthe are linked at the top of the page, and you’ll want to read them before you read Helen’s fic, because it won’t make complete sense without them.

I debated with myself whether to recommend Xanthe’s stories as well, because I did enjoy them, but ultimately I found that the light tone of the stories, in contrast with the subject matter, made me just uncomfortable enough not to.

Take Clothes Off As Directed by Helen

Atlantis

Kind of weird and hard to describe, like all of Helen’s stories. But funny and good, too.

“Do you think I’m dumb?”

“You did think unicorns were badass,” John said.

“It’s giant animal with a spike on its head that can run really fast,” Ronon said. “Hello.”

“Okay, sorry,” John said.

“And big teeth,” Ronon said.

This Gun’s For Hire by Helen

Atlantis

John falls in love and Rodney uses a baby to get women. Only so much better than that sounds.

Your Inevitable Unhappy Ending by Helen

After a year of unexpected and ugly deaths, Muggle and otherwise, the reinstatement of the Hogsmeade curfew, and a good deal of unsettling intelligence, it had been obvious that no one would much notice Dumbledore rehiring a slightly battered werewolf.

“Especially,” Severus had said, “as he can be more or less trusted not to make a total cockup of it all.”

Third Time’s the Charm by Helen

The war had given them all new and unexpected skills: Neville had learned how to break a man’s arm in three places, and Draco had learned kindness, and Ron, himself, had learned not to take unconsidered action. Almost.

Close Enough by Helen

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace

I just realized that I never wrote a description for this story. Qui-Gon gets turned into a pleasure slave, and Obi-Wan has to deal with it.

Lost in Translation by Helen